Q: If a dollar bill was laying in the center of a room, and the Easter Bunny, Santa Claus, a drummer with good time, and a drummer with bad time were standing in the corners, who would get the money?
A: The drummer with bad time since the other three don’t exist.
Q: Hey, did you hear about the drummer who finished high school?
A: Me either.
Q: How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Twenty. One to hold the light bulb and nineteen to drink until the room spins.
Q: Why did the drummer have a heart attack?
A: He met a guitarist who could count triplets.
Q: Why did the drummer have a heart attack?
A: Guitarist held a note for its proper value.
Q: Why did the drummer have a heart attack?
A: Guitarist said that he was satisfied with his instrument’s tuning.
Q: How do you get 2 drummers to play in time together?
A: Shoot one of them
Q: What did the drummer say to the singer?
A: Do you want me to count this in too fast or too slow?
Q: What was the last thing the drummer said before he got kicked out of the band?
A: “Hey, I wrote some lyrics last night.”
Q: How can you tell if a drum-riser is level?
A: The drummer has drool running out of both sides of his mouth.
Q: What do you say to a drummer in a three-piece suit?
A: “Will the defendant please rise.”
Q: What do you call a drummer with half a brain?
A: Gifted.
Q: What’s the definition of a gentleman?
A: One who knows how to play the drums but doesn’t.
Q: Why do drummers have 1/2 ounce more brains than horses?
A: So they don’t disgrace themselves in the parade.
Q: What do you call someone who hangs around with musicians?
A: A drummer.
Q: What does a drummer say when he gets to his gig?
A: Would you like fries with that, sir?
Q: How can you tell a drummer is walking behind you?
A: You can hear his knuckles dragging on the ground.
Q: What’s the difference between a drummer and a drum machine?
A: You only have to punch the information into the drum machine once.
Q: How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. They have machines to do that now.
Q: Did you hear about the bass player who locked his keys in the car?
A: He had to break the window to get the drummer out!
Two cowboys were waiting in their fort for the Indians to attack.
They listened to the distant pounding war drums. One cowboy muttered to the other, “I don’t like the sound of them drums.”
Just then, a distant voice came over the hill, “It’s not our usual drummer!”
A guy wanted to play bass in a band. The band told him, “Okay, but you will have to have 1/3 of your brain removed.” So, the guy went into surgery. When he woke up, the doctor said, “I’m terribly sorry, but we made a mistake and accidentally removed 3/4’s of your brain!” The guy said, “Uh, that’s okay. Got some sticks?”
Q: Why are orchestra intermissions limited to 20 minutes?
A: So you don’t have to retrain the drummers.
Q: How do you know when a drummer is knocking at your door?
A: The knock always slows down.
Q: How do you get a drummer to play an accelerando?
A: Ask him to play in 4/4 at a steady 120 bpm.
Q: Why do bands have bass players?
A: To translate for the drummer.
Q: How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: “Why? Oh, wow! Is it like dark, man?”
A: Only one, but he’ll break ten bulbs before figuring out that they can’t just be pushed in.
A: Two: one to hold the bulb, and one to turn his throne (but only after they figure out that you have to turn the bulb).
A: Twenty. One to hold the bulb, and nineteen to drink until the room spins.
A: None. They have a machine to do that.
A drummer, sick of all the drummer jokes, decides to change his instrument. After some thought, he decides on the accordion. So he goes to the music store and says to the owner, “I’d like to look at the accordions, please.”
The owner gestures to a shelf in the corner and says “All our accordions are over there.”
After browsing, the drummer says, “I think I’d like the big red one in the corner.”
The store owner looks at him and says, “You’re a drummer, aren’t you?”
The drummer, crestfallen, says, “How did you know?”
The store owner says, “That `big red accordion’ is the radiator.”