20 Great Lies of The Music Business


When Someone Says:

What They Really Mean is:

It’s a definite booking.

I haven’t spoken to anyone at the venue yet.

You’ll be the headliner.

We’ve booked two other bands as well in case you don’t show up

Your check’s in the mail.

I hope someone pays me soon so I can pay all my other creditors before I pay you.

We can fix it when we’re mixing.

It’s too expensive to let you record it again.

The show starts at 8.

The doors open at 8, but you’re not on until 2 in the morning.

My agent will look after it.

I’m going to forget we had this conversation.

I guarantee it will work.

It’s not compatible with your equipment.

Your tickets will be at the door.

No-one will tell the person on the door that they’re for you.

It sounds in tune to me.

I haven’t a clue whether it’s in tune or not.

Sure, it sounds fine at the back of the hall.

It sounds terrible at the front.

Your mike is on.

It’s turned right down.

I checked it personally.

When I couldn’t figure it out I gave up.

The roadie fixed it.

The roadie said he’d fix it after he finishes smoking his joint.

She’ll be backstage after the show.

So will her big jealous boyfriend.

The spotlight was on you during your solo.

Your solo was too long.

There’ll be a PA and lights provided by the club.

Only three channels work on the mixer and one of the speakers is blown.

We’ll have it ready by tonight for sure.

Assuming we can organize the five other projects we’ve also promised by tonight.

We’ll fix it for free if it breaks.

You’ll have to wait six months for a new part to come from Japan.

My last band signed a record deal, but we broke up before recording the album.

They kicked me out.

You’ll have lots of time for a soundcheck.

Lots of time, but no opportunity because there’ll be three bands ahead of you.

There’ll be free drinks for the band.

The cost of the drinks will be deducted from the band’s fee.

Someone will be there early to let you in.

You’ll have to wait around until they get there, 10 minutes before you’re due to play.

Musician Jokes