Q: What’s the difference between a banjo and an onion?
A: Nobody cries when you chop up a banjo.
Q. What’s the difference between a banjo and a chain saw?
A. The chain saw has greater dynamic range.
Q. What’s the least-used sentence in the English language?
A. “Isn’t that the banjo player’s Porsche?”
Female five string banjoist shouting at her boyfriend in a crowded shopping mall:
“Don’t forget, sweetheart, I need a new G string.”
Q: You see a banjo and an accordion sitting in the middle of the road. Which one do you run over first?
A: The accordion: – Business before pleasure
Q: Why do some people have an instant aversion to banjo players?
A: It saves time in the long run.
Q. How many banjo players does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Five. One to screw it in and four to complain that Earl wouldn’ta done it thataway.
– OR –
A. Four to argue about what year it was made.
– OR –
A. Four to argue about how much it costs.
– OR –
A. Four to ask what tuning he’s using.
Q. What do you call a good musician at a banjo contest?
A. Lost.
Q. Why do so many fishermen own banjos?
A. They make great anchors. or, A. They make great paddles.
Q. What’s the fastest way to tune a banjo?
A. With wire cutters.
Q. Why do fiddlers pick on banjo players?
A. Because they can’t pick on their fiddles.
Banjo players spend half their lives tuning and the other half playing out of tune.
Banjos are to music as Spam is to food.
Frets ain’t nothing but speed bumps on a banjo.
Playing the banjo is a lot like throwing a javelin blindfolded…you don’t have to be very good to get people’s attention.
Q. What do you get when you throw a banjo and an accordion off the Empire State Building?
A. Who cares… ?
Q. What do you call twenty-five banjos up to their necks in sand?
A. Not enough sand.
Q. What’s the most frequently used sentence by banjo players when they’re at work?
A. “You want fries to go with that?”
The sixth fret on a banjo is a lot like the thirteenth floor on a building :– you don’t really need one.
The leader on a New Years’ gig books a big band: bass, drums, guitar, piano, Hammond organ, horn section, and singers.
In the 3 days before Dec. 31, every player bails on him! He calls everyone he knows.
They’re all booked. Finally, in desperation, he starts calling everyone in the union directory, and finally books… a banjo player and an accordionist.
Well, the gig is a smash!
The club owner congratulates the band and books them back for next New Year’s with a hefty raise.
The banjo player turns to the accordionist and says, “Great! We can leave our gear!”